YesLetter: Applications: Letters of Recommendation: Articles

Asking With Class

by Robert J.

If there’s one thing you don’t want to do before someone writes you a letter of recommendation, it’s give them a reason to resent you. Giving the wrong suggestions in the wrong way may leave your writer with the impression that you’re intending to control the letter they’re writing. They’ll still write you a glowing recommendation, but may feel restricted and may end up giving only the information that you suggested and nothing more. When this happens, the letter loses that “personal touch” that proves its writer knew you well. If the letter comes out sounding like something you assembled, you’re missing out on the refreshing diversity that letters of recommendation can bring to an application.

At the same time, however, you know that your letters are there for a reason. Any good applicant has a general idea of the ideas they want reinforced by the letters they choose to send in. So, we’re left perplexed; where is the line between advising your writer and rubbing them the wrong way? That line may lie somewhere different in every case, but there are a few precautions you can take to make sure you always get what you want without crossing it.

First: start early. Your writers may love you, but odds are they won’t go right to work if you tell them that you don’t need their letter for two months. Letting them know early allows them to think a little bit about what they’ll write about and gives you the opportunity to gradually lay down some general guidelines for them. You should give your writer all the information they need to write the letter at least a month before it is due, and make it a point to have a friendly chat or phone call with them at least once a week until you receive it. Even if you don't mention the letter, your presence will be enough of a reminder.

Providing your writer with a one-month window shows you respect that his or her time is valuable—even if it’s not. I don’t care if I had nothing to do for the next month, if you asked me to write a letter praising you and needed it by next Tuesday, I’d be a bit put off that you’d “spring” something like this on me at the last minute. A good window of time is the best show of respect.

Another thing that may seem obvious but is commonly overlooked by applicants is to display your appreciation when your prospective writer agrees to write your letter. Sure, you probably already knew that they would say "yes," but don’t let them walk away feeling that way. Give them a giant smile, and express your thanks in every correspondence you have relating to the letter. Your happiness will give them the sense that they have something to live up to and won’t want to let you down. They may just spend the extra hour or so to make your letter an outstanding one.

It’s also a good idea to put everything you ever tell this person in writing. If this person is a teacher, administrator or active community member, odds are he or she is writing more than one letter of recommendation. Even if you’re the most memorable student there is, facts and events may blend together in that person’s mind if their memory is not refreshed. If they’re not positive it was you who did something or was involved in some program, they’ll leave it out. I recommend assembling one packet, with a cover letter, resume and necessary college forms, and delivering it to them personally all at once. Do this very shortly after they’ve agreed to write the letter, just in case they intended to get a head start. Use the cover letter to briefly express those points or events you were hoping the writer could mention in the letter, but keep it to a page.

Providing this packet all at one time increases the chances that your writer will have all of your information in one place when they do sit down to write. With all of the information in front of them, they won’t have to worry about the accuracy of their details and can focus their time on producing a quality letter.

The next big rule for not crossing the line is this: tell them what to write about, but never how to write it. Again, this may seem obvious, but it’s more difficult to differentiate between the two than you may think. If you send your writer a resume with a cover letter explaining a few things you were hoping they could mention, simply provide those things in list form. Never use ordering words like “First,” “Next,” and “Last.” Even though you’re just trying to list what you’d hope to see, your writer may feel that you’re attempting to dictate the structure of their letter. This can make them feel as though you’re not interested in their own methods, which may have included the personal sentiment that tends to flow through the best letters.

Another mistake is to accidentally be demeaning in your instructions. Never tell them what to do, always ask if they would do something for you. I’ve actually seen students give recommendation writers photocopied pages from a book on “How to Write an Excellent Letter of Recommendation” with their resume. I can’t think of something more disrespectful than this. Even the writer feels that those pages may improve their ability to write good letters of recommendation, the fact that you gave it to them suggests that you doubt their ability to do a good job. Even if that’s a legitimate fear, it doesn’t justify an act like that. If you’d like them to read the chapter, mention in your resume cover letter something like, “I've been reading a book on getting into the top colleges and, I’m sure you’ve got more experience than the people who wrote the book, but it says that the best letter of recommendations have things like…” That personal touch takes the information from demeaning to respectfully personal. Tell the writer that you have the book if they’re interested in looking at it, and even if not, you trust they’ll do an excellent job.

This brings me to my final (and favorite) point. There is no word more powerful than the word “trust.” Find ways to insert that word into written correspondence and conversation every chance you get. It may seem contradictory to say, “I trust you to do a fine job of choosing my most important extracurriculars,” and then provide a list of precisely what they are. However, it’s perfectly acceptable to do so. In fact, it’s preferred. Any expression of trust is an expression of respect. It shows that you have faith in your writer’s ability to do a good job and the strength of his or her relationship with you. If your writer feels trusted, he or she will feel a larger sense of obligation to justify that trust and work harder to produce an even better recommendation. Happy hunting!